the end of a season

I believe I am returning from my longest-ever blogging hiatus. I've had a few topics bouncing around in my mind, but never made it to the computer with the expressed purpose of recording said topics. For now, suffice it to say that we've been extremely busy, in more ways than one. Of course, Christmas is a busy season for all of us, isn't it? My wonderful husband's dedication to building us from debt to wealth (thanks, Dave Ramsey!) really freed my stress this year. I decided to make as many Christmas gifts as possible, to get done what I could manage without gaining extra grays (where are all these gray hairs coming from??), not spend an excessive amount of money on people who have everything they need and most things they want (like ourselves), and to let the rest sliiiiiiide. And as a result, for the first time in many many years, Christmas was fun. I love giving gifts--truly--but I hate the artificial pressure of our artificial celebrations during such a sacred, REAL season of what should be the most genuine and humbling of celebrations.

Rachel is 3 1/2 now, and she understands so much. How do you teach a kid that this a season to GIVE, not get? I told her every chance I got. I helped her make gifts for a few of her most beloveds--her grandparents and her daddy. But everywhere we went, people asked Rachel what she wanted for Christmas, what was Santa going to bring her, and if she had been "good enough" to get STUFF. Stuff, people...really?? That's what it's all about?

I have never reflected on the toy drives that occur during this season. We are encouraged to make Christmas happen for families who can't afford to "do" Christmas the way Christmas should be done (apparently). I have never, until this year, considered the implications therein. What is Christmas?? Is it a time when it's okay for kids to be greedy? Who are we, that we can "make" Christmas for people? The very beauty of Christmas is that it is available to everyone, no strings attached. There are no people who cannot experience Christmas. Christmas is nothing, if it is not free and available to all.

I don't mean to downplay the mercy ministries that happen during this season. After all, as we reflect on God's mercy in sending the greatest gift to us on Christmas day (or somewhere around that, anyway), how could we not respond by extending similar mercy to those among us who are without? But this is the first year that it struck me that it is all vanity if we don't proclaim the name of Christ and communicate God's ultimate gift to us. All of our mercy-giving and gift-giving, even among our families and close friends, is vanity without Christ.

Jarrad and I are very blessed with families who seem to genuinely enjoy blessing us with good gifts during this season. We hardly feel the need (and nearly feel guilty) purchasing gifts for our own children because of the volume of gifts given them by others who love them so. We would never want to take the joy out of that. But I can definitely say that I'm at a loss for how to help my children understand that receiving gifts is absolutely at the bottom of the list of important-things-that-happen-in-December. I do think we'll start by trying not to allow our children to get caught in the "gift race," wherein one finds oneself trying to guess who will spend how much to buy which gift for me so that I can do my best to match, if not exceed those gifts by giving equal, if not better gifts in return. I shook that this year, as I've been most guilty in the past.

Okay, okay...I promise I'll do a fun post soon about all the stuff the kids got for Christmas. In the meantime, here are a few of the gifts I created for our loved ones this year:

An outfit for my nephew, from a pair of my cords I never wore (the pants are a tad too small for him...sad!) key fobs! (these were so quick and easy and FUN to make) embellished onesie and handmade tutu for my niece (my favorite gift, hands down) hand-printed tee for a cousin, whose name I drew at Thanksgiving :) ...he's a bird lover! laptop sleeve with matching drawstring cord pouch, made from an upcylced hoodie (second fav gift)

the elder

About three weeks ago, I finally ordered a book that had been suggested (unsolicited, mind you) to me by more than one person (including Rachel's pediatrician): Raising Your Spirited Child. For whatever reason, I resisted. I think I did not want to label Rachel, even if "spirited" is supposed to sound positive. I have been around kids a LOT in my life, and, well, they're all spirited. I had to really humble myself to buy the book. It was like admitting that I don't know how to handle my own child. It was as if to suggest that Rachel needs something extra, something I don't know how to provide. I guess it really has uprooted something I didn't even know I believed: that all children are basically the same, and that it's more about how they are raised that makes them either calm or crazy, pleasant or annoying, polite or attention-seeking. I'm kind of embarrassed to say that's what I thought, but I guess it is.

And so, as she has since her birth, Rachel has been paradigm-shifting. She is spunky. She's creative (and left-handed...is there a correlation?). She's persistent and shrewd. She will negotiate anything, often successfully and before the other party even realizes what has happened. She loves her sister to pieces. She cries when she doesn't get something she wants, and then later tells me she was fake crying. She delights in imitating me, and in pretending to be in charge. She is notorious for changing the subject when she's about to get in trouble for something, or when she's just been disciplined.

And she's funny, and she loves her mommy and her daddy. She's starting to notice more of the interactions between Jarrad and me, and she's picking up on tones in my voice, sighs of frustration, or a furrowed brow, regularly inquiring, "What's wrong, Mommy?" One night, I was washing dishes, and Jarrad came over and quickly grabbed the cloth out of the sink to wipe the table. I pretended to be so shocked and offended, and said, "HEEEEY! What are you doing??" He playfully replied that he'd give it back in a minute, and then he threw it back at me and we had kind of a flirty exchange. Rachel got the biggest kick out of the whole thing, and she asked me about it several times over the following two days, laughing as she recounted how Daddy took my cloth. It's sweet to know that she's for us--that she wants Mommy and Daddy to love each other and get along. Research has shown that a good marriage between a mom and dad is absolutely the best thing for the child, but you don't have to tell a child that; they know. Rachel knows.

I love watching Rachel grow and learn. She's really into "activities," which are worksheets from a little Preschool activity book Poppy gave her. She practices writing letters and doing the exercises with Daddy or me. After much prayerful consideration, we opted not to put her in preschool just yet, if at all. A part of me is sad for that, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would love it. But, for now, God was telling us, "No," and I know He has a good reason, even if I never know what the reason is. I trust Him.

I love my big girl so much. I love her little scratchy voice. I love the intonation she uses when she's "teaching" me something, and the way she cocks her head to the side and puts her hands out for emphasis. I love that she throws me a curveball every time I think I have her figured out. I love that she tries so hard to be good, and I hate how I react sometimes when she isn't. I pray for her--that she will gain wisdom and understanding of those things that really matter: faith, hope, and love, and that she will put those things into the only context in which they make sense--a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I pray that the Lord will use me to show her those things in the way I live and respond to those around me.

ramblings from mommy

I have a ridiculous amount of work to do to catch up on this blogging thing. My computer crashed about three weeks ago, and my hubby keeps his tied up most of the time, so I have been pretty well media-free ever since (did I ever mention that we chucked our TV a couple of months ago?). It's been a little strange, but I haven't missed any of it like I thought I would. What a relief, right? But I do miss keeping up with my blog, especially since the Lord has been teaching me so much lately.

I am learning all about what it means to be a Godly woman. I have finally found the true freedom that exists when I am obedient to what the Lord calls me to as a wife and mother. It is so amazing and humbling, and it makes me wonder what in the world was hindering me from understanding it before now. But since I can't change the past, I am anxious to get on with the future and see what other surprises await! I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, and this time is sweeter and much deeper than the first. I praise God that my husband is the Christ-follower that he is. I also praise God for daily reminders that it is He who sustains me, not my husband, and it is He who will never fail me. I realize that I was holding entirely unrealistic expectations for my husband and depending on him to provide for me and fill my heart, when God was just waiting for me to turn to Him instead. And so, over these 7 years of marriage, and especially since the arrival of our firstborn, I have felt disappointed over and over, oppressed, and angry. I knew that it was illogical and ridiculous, but I just couldn't seem to put all the pieces together. I am realizing now that it is wrong for me to ever be disappointed by another person on the level that it affects my heart. When that happens, it exposes where I have been placing my trust--in that person rather than in God.

Now, daily, I lay it down at the feet of Jesus. And when my husband fails me (because he does, God bless him), I remember that it is the LORD who will provide what I need. If I can cling to that, I will never be angry or resentful toward him, and he will never feel the need to be defensive with me. Praise God for His model that he laid out for us in the Word! It's so counter-intuitive that I should make little of myself and much of my husband in order that God will be glorified and I will have true freedom, but I am discovering how true it is, and how SWEET it is!

And so I publicly beg the forgiveness of my humble, patient, God-fearing husband, who put up with me when I was so ugly and sinful and unrealistic. He chose to love me through it, as he committed to do on our wedding day almost 7 years ago. I am amazed at the sweet season my heart change has thrown us into, and I look forward to being that old couple who still can't get enough of each other...it was hard to imagine before, but now I know it will be.

the shortest long day

Today flew by, although we had a lot of activity. We had a lot of visitors all day, and tonight I had invited several of my former coworkers to dinner. GiGi came for a visit this morning, which allowed me to run a couple of errands. My friend Theresa and her daughter, Alex, came over just as Rachel was waking up from her nap this afternoon. Rachel was still crusty-faced and wearing just a diaper, and, since I was trying to get things ready for my dinner, I didn't stop to dress her or clean her up. Our friend Glenn came over to borrow Jarrad's truck, and, after he left, my friend Caroline came over with her son, Chase. Theresa, Alex, Caroline, Chase, Rachel and I were visiting when our friend Barbara came by with her daughter, Anna. Glenn came back to drop off the truck, and then people started leaving. First Glenn, then Barbara and Anna, Theresa and Alex, and lastly, Caroline and Chase. As I was walking Caroline to the door, I said, "Well, Rachel, let's go wash your face and put on your party dress." I got her cleaned up and dressed just in time before my only two dinner guests arrived. Two!! Rachel had run around all afternoon, as we had seven guests in and out of our house, with a dirty face, wearing just her plain diaper, and the big party I had fretted over, the one I cleaned her up and dressed her for, turned out to be a much smaller event than the afternoon had been! Isn't it funny how these things work out? The worst thing is that I didn't take any pictures.

cute moment

Although Rachel and I were together most of the day, I didn't feel like I had spent much time with her when bedtime rolled around. So, I let her stay up a few extra minutes after everyone left, and we had mommy-baby time. We went up to her room, and she played contentedly, sitting in my lap, running around while I tried to steal kisses and hugs, and bossing me about how and where to sit. The most fun was when she sat on my lap and then, when she stood right back up again, I'd say, "Hey! Come back here!" and pull her back on my lap again. She cackled so loud every time. I was sad to put her to bed, but she was exhausted after our exciting day.

non-toy toy of the day

Jarrad took Rachel to potty during dinner tonight, and when she came back, she was holding a hairbrush and a bottle of body splash. One of our guests said, "Rachel, where are your real toys?" But Rachel didn't seem to hear her...

where have you been?

It has been way too long since I last posted. Suffice it to say that we've been out of town without internet access. Friday, GiGi came over to visit and spend the night. She played with Rachel while Jarrad and I packed and loaded the car for our trip. Saturday, we checked into a really nice hotel in the Charlotte area. Rachel took a decent afternoon nap in the hotel-provided Pack-n-Play, and then we all went shopping! Jarrad has given me a shopping spree as an early gift for our 5-year anniversary that's coming up next month! We went to an outlet mall near our hotel. Even though I only ended up buying one thing, it was just nice to shop while Jarrad strolled Rachel around and tended to her. The mall was ridiculously crowded, which is always a little stressful, but we went back to our hotel room and bedded down for the night around 8:15pm. Rachel went right to sleep, and woke up only a time or two during the night.

Sunday we went to my grandmother's house for a get-together with my mom's family. It was the most perfect weather, so we were outside, under the giant oak trees (the very ones my grandma and papa planted years ago when they built their house). The breeze was nice and the sun was shining, and Rachel had a great time walking around and around and around in the grass. Apart from a temper-tantrum or two because I wouldn't let her eat grass nor walk down the big hill, and apart from three spider bites and a mosquito bite, she had a grand day. The bites really bothered me, but she didn't even seem to notice the welts on her ankles and wrist.

A confession: We forgot the camera for our fun weekend. I kicked myself a time or two, but, oh well, what can you do? Perhaps you can close your eyes and imagine the great pictures we missed.

Today, my good friend Brian came over to meet Rachel for the first time! Brian lives in the mountains and he doesn't make it our way often. He and his girlfriend, Megan, had tickets to a concert tonight, so they came over and spent the day with Rachel! She showed off all day, and really enjoyed Brian and Megan. Brian has 4 nieces, so he is very experienced in baby-entertaining. Rachel thought his faces and peek-a-boo games were quite amusing. She even walked right over to him and let him pick her up! She also loved Megan's flip flops (of course). Brian and I went to middle school together (in fact, he was my boyfriend in 6th grade), and we even ended up going to the same university. We've been friends forever, and I haven't seen him in such a long time. It was great to catch up with him (on his birthday!) and get to know Megan better, too!

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	6	3
poop	1	0

This is today's stat report. Rachel had been giving me a hard time with the potty, and I was getting discouraged. Saturday, when we got to the hotel, Rachel explored our suite (yes, a suite!). She quickly found the bathroom (okay, the suite wasn't that big), and she noticed the potty right away. She did the potty sign and said "GOOgoo" (her word for potty). I took her diaper off and put her on her potty, but she was completely uninterested. She wanted to stand up, and she certainly was not having any part of actually using it. So, I carried her to the bathroom and held her sitting on the big potty. She peepeed right away! The rest of the day Saturday, she refused to sit on her little potty, but she used the big potty without protest! Sunday, she was back to her old ways, but she did use her little potty some. I guess it was just a curiosity for her. Funny!

cute moment

Included in the price of our room, the hotel had a great cooked-to-order breakfast Sunday morning. So we took Rachel, her Bumbo, and a bib downstairs early. She had banana and a few Cheerios, but she had the most fun watching all the people. I had to feel sorry for her though, as she waved at every single person who walked by, and most hardly even glanced her way. But she stayed upbeat, and continued to wave, not phased by the lack of interest. It's so hard for me to understand why every person didn't stop and speak to her! Poor baby!

non-toy toy of the day

Today, Megan let Rachel dig around in her bag! She pulled out a wrapped disposable camera, wallet, earplugs, cell phone, some receipts and cards, and a cute Tony the Tiger. They even let her keep Tony the Tiger!

life lesson

I am learning a lot about prayer, namely, that God cares about every detail of our lives, and he cares about what we care about. Friday, I ended up having to take Rachel to the doctor for a little rash she had (which turned out to be nothing). Going to the doctor was not in my plan of things to do. But Rachel and I got in the car, rushed to Target to pick up some pictures I got developed to mail with Mother's Day cards, which I stuffed and stamped before rushing straight to Rachel's doctor. Her appointment was at 4:50pm, which meant that I needed to get the cards in a blue mailbox before her appointment. With no time to spare, I simply hoped there would be a mailbox at Rachel's doctor's office. I was really stressed out. As we turned the corner, I remarked to Rachel that I should pray about the situation, but I know I obviously can't pray a mailbox into existence. Of course, there was no mailbox. As we came out of the office at 5:10pm (pretty quick, huh?), I was really mad at myself for procrastinating and being late with the cards. As I drove by the drugstore on the corner, I noticed a mailtruck. The mailman was standing behind his truck, just sorting through mail. Could it be? I pulled up next to him, held out my cards, and asked if I could give them to him. Of course he took them, and all was well. How amazing is that??

light as a feather, stiff as a board

Hello faithful blog readers! You probably noticed my blog vacation. Rachel, Jarrad and I had a great time visiting my family Friday and Saturday. Rachel got to hang out with her cousin, Tyler, and they seem to be enjoying each other more and more. But, of course, the grandparents enjoyed the silliness most of all. Poppy got out some of his fun hats, masks, and wigs to entertain the kiddos. On Friday, Rachel decided that her preferred entertainment was walking, holding onto someone's fingers for balance. So, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, that's all the child wanted to do. When we tried to take a break, she'd holler for more. When we tried to sit her down, she gave us the stiff-leg. When she got her way, she was talking, giggling, and grinning the whole time. Aunt KiKi pointed out that Rachel walks belly-first. That's because we can't keep up with her! It's a pretty funny sight. And the funniest thing is that she's not actually going anywhere. She's just walking.

So, this morning, when I got her out of the crib and tried to sit her down, she gave me the stiff-leg, as usual. But, she felt really stable, so I let go. She stood there, giggling, for a long time before she gently sat down. We practiced all day, and she took a step here and there. She finally took two steps in a row before falling forward. When Jarrad got home tonight, she took about five steps in a row! She thinks it's a fun new game. I think it's saving my back. I know what you moms-with-more-than-one-kid are thinking...that I shouldn't encourage her to walk just yet. I know my life is about to get a lot more difficult once she walks, but I can't get over the excitement of watching her develop this new skill!

Rachel had a really great first Easter. Aunt KiKi gave her a princess Easter bucket with cute chicky glasses and some other toys, and two beautiful spring dresses. She also bought her too-cute Easter Sunday outfit (picture coming). Cousin Anthony came over on Sunday and brought two singing and dancing Easter bunnies from MeMaw and GGPaw. Rachel wasn't sure what to think of these. She got adventurous and touched the one that wiggles his ear while he sings, but today she decided he scared her. When I was trying to get her to walk, she kept her eyes locked on that bunny and wouldn't let go of me. Yesterday afternoon, GiGi came over with a fuzzy Easter card and a soft basket with goodies, and, last night, Aunt Mamber came over with her collection of little PoundPuppies for Rachel (remember those??).

On Friday, Rachel and I went with Poppy to see some of his relatives. They all seemed to enjoy Rachel. Saturday, we went to my Aunt Doris's house for my mom's family get-together. We had a great time seeing everyone and visiting. Our friend Koen and his family even got to come, and Bob got to drive Uncle Roy's tractor! We are so blessed to live near so much family!

Rachel was clearly glad to be home today. She took two good naps and did great on the potty. I hope she will sleep well tonight!

Progress Report

I may be ready to give up the potty charts in favor of only reporting how many diapers she used each day. Over the weekend, she used two diapers Friday and Saturday, one diaper Sunday, and no diapers today. She did have one small floor accident right before bed tonight (she stopped as soon as Jarrad yelped at her and swiped her onto the potty), which ruined an otherwise perfect day! She has been very potty-friendly lately, even sitting and playing on the potty for 15 minutes today when she evidently didn't need to go. I kept offering to help her up, but I guess she was having fun. It's refreshing after the few difficult days we had last week. I hope she continues to love it!

cute moment

Rachel's cousin, Tyler, reportedly does not kiss people very often; he prefers to kiss his stuffed animals. However, this weekend, he kissed Rachel several times! I guess they're going to be good pals!

non-toy toy of the day

Her Easter basket, of course!

life lesson

I had a rather emotional weekend, partly due to exhaustion from traveling and not sleeping well. As a result, I have two life lessons. First of all, I have always been an "over-achiever." I am a student at heart, and I am anxious to be the best [insert title here] possible. At the moment, I am obviously consumed with being a mommy. I thrive on the daily challenges and I look forward to the adventures of each new stage Rachel goes through. Because of this, I spend a lot of time with Rachel. Maybe you've thought this in reading my blog, that perhaps I spend an excessive amount of time with Rachel. Does she need me right on top of her all the time? When I was home, I said something to my mom about playing in Rachel's room. She looked at me funny and told me that concerned her a bit. Huh? Why? Am I doing it wrong?? Oh no, am I? She explained that it's a little odd for a 26-year-old to spend most of her day playing in a 9-month-old's bedroom, and that most people have other things they need to be doing. That's true. That's true. I am doing it wrong. I have been telling myself, "I will have only one child only once. I should enjoy her, I should watch her, I should study her." That is what I want to do. But is it healthy? My friend, Carla, and I were talking about self-indulgent parenting and trusting our instincts. Maybe I am being self-indulgent. As of last week, Rachel has become a lot more clingy. She acts afraid of some things (like the dog and the singing bunny), and she doesn't want to let other people hold her. I know it's developmental that she go through this, but how much of it am I fostering by being in her face all day? My mom felt bad that her observation upset me, but I'm glad she mentioned it. At least I can momentarily step outside of myself and try to consider my options and what's really best for Rachel. I imagine I will look back and grieve many parenting decisions I make by the time Rachel is grown. I am glad to have anyone point out anywhere I might be at fault. As I told my mother-in-law once, "Anytime you want to give us advice about Rachel, you go ahead, and we'll either listen or we won't." I just want to be the best mom possible.

Second, last night, Jarrad cautioned me that I need to be careful about how much I talk about Rachel's pottying. Huh? I suppressed potty talk for a long time, because I was unsure if it would work, and I didn't want to get ahead of myself with outrageous claims. But, now that it really seems to be working, I guess I am getting more and more excited about it, and I will talk to anyone who cares to listen, and, apparently, even those who don't. When Jarrad pointed that out to me, I felt horrible. I am afraid I've come across braggy, and I don't mean to. As I told my brother (because if I've been obnoxious to anyone, it would definitely be my brother), potty training Rachel has been my little experiment--something I've found fun and interesting. I don't fancy myself a better mother, or Rachel a smarter baby because of it, and I hope that's not how I've made anyone feel. I try to be honest about my parenting style and not hide when I've discovered a shortcoming. I don't lie and say my cloth diapers don't smell bad and are sometimes tricky to launder. I won't pretend I feel validated every time I choose to let Rachel "cry it out" (or not). And I won't say infant potty training is superior to waiting. For me, it has been a worthy venture, but I know...I'm weird.

id, ezzo, and superego

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!! In honor of Daddy's birthday, Rachel woke up this morning with a dry diaper! Around 7:30am, Rachel and I woke Jarrad up with singing and dancing to the Happy Birthday song. He half-grinned (since he isn't a morning person) and then gave Rachel a nice tickle and a hug and kiss. We are so thankful to have kept Jarrad around another year! Praise God!

Rachel woke up in the early hours again, around 4:30am. She was wimpering quietly, but, because of the reading I had done last night (see Life Lesson below), I wanted to hold her and comfort her. So we had a repeat of yesterday morning, and she woke up for the day around 7:15am. I didn't mind.

PopPop and Uma took us all out for steak for Jarrad's birthday. Aunt Mamber got here just a few minutes before PopPop and Uma, and Rachel was glad to see her again. When PopPop wanted to hold Rachel, she clung onto Aunt Mamber! It's fun to watch her start to recognize people and show preferences, but I hope she doesn't become too dramatic in the future.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	5	4
poop	1	0

We were way off with pottying today. I don't know what made it happen, but we used FOUR diapers. I'm sure we'll be back on track after the crazy weekend we've got ahead of us!

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	1:20	1:10
diaper	dry	dry

cute moment

Kiss kiss!

non-toy toy of the day

Today Rachel played with a little circular piece of fabric padding I left laying around her room. She likes to put it in her mouth and carry it around while she plays with other things.

life lesson

Last night I did a lot of reading online (I think it's really weird that I can't get into reading books, but I will read and read and read online until the proverbial midnight oil runs dry). I was shopping around at The EC Store when I ran across a link with the caption, "Would you believe The EC Store was created by a former 'Ezzo family?' Here's the story of the Halletts' journey into (and out of) the Babywise lie." Huh?

Let me back up. When I was pregnant, many people we respect kindly suggested we should read the book On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo. They all proclaimed that their babies slept through the night at 8 weeks (or thereabouts). So we innocently purchased the book and read it. I wasn't entirely happy with Ezzo's tone in the book. His writing style is condescending and downright arrogant at times. His ideas don't seem well-researched, and he doesn't allow much breathing room for special cases, like colic or acid reflux. Nevertheless, it came highly recommended, and I catalogued the information for use after Rachel was born. After all, I reasoned, I am an unusually skeptical, critical person, so I am probably being suspicious just for the sake of suspicion. Once our bundle of joy came, I used the book many times as a reference, and the approach fit fine, with some personal modifications, because Rachel was an easy baby. But after about 3 months, I abandoned the book completely and opted not to buy Book Two. Many times I have regretted reading the book at all. I felt its ideas had replaced my own God-given instincts in some cases. I had plenty of experience with babies, and I think it would have been loads more interesting to figure it out for myself, seeking help only for mysterious problem areas like breastfeeding and sleep organization. Babywise has an entire schedule laid out for me, as if I can't think for myself. And the first time I tried to let Rachel "cry it out" at three weeks old (much later than the book recommends), I was devasted and gave in quickly. I didn't try that again until Rachel was about 6 months old, since every other source I'd read stated plainly that you cannot spoil a baby before 6 months.

Suffice it to say, I wasn't sold on the method, but I didn't research it either, since it was recommended by so many people we respect. I eventually just left it behind, vowing not to read too many parenting books that might cloud my judgement and what I know to be true, and, most importantly, what the Bible teaches (what other parenting book do I need, after all?).

So I read this story, very lovingly and humbly written by a mom, about her family who was completely sold on Babywise. She truly grieved the loss of her faith in the method, but feels the need to inform others. I perused the entire website, including the Timeline of Controversy, which turned out to be very enlightening.

It is unbelievable to me that people will use the Lord's name to promote themselves. I pray that people who don't know God will not judge Him, the perfect provider, the Almighty Creator, based on what sinful people do in His name (including me, because I KNOW I am not a perfect representative of my God).

what's in a name

Rachel knows Little Rex! It's amazing how much more Rachel is understanding lately. Yesterday, she had been carrying Little Rex around all afternoon. At some point after Jarrad came home, she dropped Little Rex and ended up playing with another toy on the other side of the room. I said, "Rachel, where's Little Rex?" She looked all around and finally crawled over and picked him up. Could it be? So we set up a series of experiments to test her, and she passed with flying colors! We named him only 3 or 4 weeks ago, and already she knows his name!

Rachel's new friend Will came over today! He is just 5 days older than Rachel, and he was dressed like a big boy in his orange polo shirt and blue jeans. He is SO cute, and he actually has less hair than Rachel! The pair had lunch together. Will's mommy, Christina, has also started using cloth diapers, so we've had fun comparing notes and learning together. I showed Christina our growing stash of dipes; she and I split an order of FuzziBunz that should be shipped soon. I'm excited to get some fun colors!

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	4	6
poop	2	0

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	1:25	0:50
diaper	dry	dry

cute moment

Rachel is giggling and clapping for all kinds of things lately. Today, she finally started laughing at a game Aunt KiKi made up. I close my eyes and let my facial expression fall flat for a second, and then I pop open my eyes, open my mouth to a grin, and gasp, like something has pleasantly surprised me. She laughed at this over and over. I hope I don't hyperventilate!

non-toy toy of the day

On our walk, though she didn't want to wear them, Rachel liked holding her sunglasses in her hand and waving them around. I did snatch one picture of her before she pulled them off...

life lesson

I've still been processing Pastor Scott's lesson from Sunday. After having a relationship with Christ for 20 years, last night, it really sunk in that God does care about ME. I've always had a big-picture view of God and how He must think of His creation (us, this world, etc). God created the world, created Man, to ultimately and exclusively glorify Him. So, it follows, that all things happen to that end: good, bad, big, small. In that case, MY circumstances and worries are merely bumps in MY road, not His. They may trip ME up, but not Him. They might bother ME, but they surely do not bother Him. But wait, that's not true is it? He does care; my worries do bother Him. It's incomprehensible, but so true. If Jesus cared about the wine at that wedding (John 2:1-11, Jesus' first miracle), and He cared about how He was regarded by those few people (His disciples), then He must care about ME. I would never have claimed to think God didn't care about me, but that is how I've conducted my inner thoughts and conflicts: as if they were mine to deal with. What a relief to know I should give them to God after all. That's how He wants it. That's how He intended it.

who's in charge here?

I know I reference Lisa & Leah a lot, but I was just looking on their blog, at a picture of Leah lying politely on her changing table. The caption reads that after her bath, Leah enjoys a baby massage as her mom applies lotion. I, too, put cream on Rachel's skin after a bath, but there is nothing calm or relaxing about it. Since Rachel became even the slightest bit mobile (at around five and a half months she was doing a lot of rolling and "back hopping" to get around), the changing table became a hazardous place. At first, I could hold her down fairly easily, but by six and a half months, I completely abandoned the changing table in favor of the floor for diaper changes and wardrobing. Since then, I have become accustomed to chasing her all around her room, trying to smear her skin with cream, get a dipe on her bottom, and clothe her. Last week, the thought occurred to me--what is the lesson here?--that she is free to do as she pleases while I chase her and coerce her and wait for her to decide to let me have my way for two-second snatches, until I get the result I need (a creamed, diapered, clothed baby)? Not good. And so, I reinstated the changing table. So far, it is a huge struggle, whith lots of whining and fussing (from both of us) and attempts to jump off the mat (from Rachel). We'll see if we stick with it. Do other mommies out there experience this?? Comments welcomed...

Today was fun but exhausting. We went to church, as usual, and then we attended a "community group," which is basically a Bible study that meets at a member's home. We had a great time getting to know some other young couples in our new church, and there was another baby there--a very cute ten-month-old baby boy named Noah. He's much calmer than Rachel, and the two babies found each other amusing. Noah's sister, Mia, is immensely more active than either Rachel or Noah, and Rachel really thought her antics were funny, as she jumped around the living room in just her diaper, saying, "Hey, baby" and patting Rachel on the head.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	5	5
poop	2	3

cute moment

Daddy is so silly!

non-toy toy of the day

A yellow cup.

life lesson

One thing that stuck with me from the sermon, from John 2:1-11, is that Jesus' first miracle is changing water to wine at a wedding, where He had been invited as a guest. Isn't that a strange miracle for His first? Why wouldn't His first miracle be something huge, like raising the dead--something that would make a huge impression on a lot of people? Instead, He performs a miracle that had a huge impact on just a few people, because He cares! I've read that scripture many times, and I never thought about that. Amazing!

motor mouth

Rachel and I spent a lot of time out today! First, Jarrad had car issues (again) and we rescued him. Then we went out to lunch (Rachel was a very good girl!). After her 1 hour 45 minute afternoon nap, we went to see our buddy Koen! Aunt Mamber came over for a visit this evening to round out the day. We didn't get to play at home much today, so she'll be glad to have some downtime tomorrow.

Rachel has been babbling like crazy the past couple of days. I think she can make almost every sound in the English language. Now, she just has to figure out how to sort them out and put them together into words, although she sounds like she thinks she's already talking. We can't wait to hear what she has to say (I think she's going to talk our ears off)!

It looks like we will be calling Southbridge Fellowship our new church home! It will be exciting to be a part of a church from the very beginning, and I'm looking forward to jumping in and "getting my hands dirty." Serving Christ's church has always been an important part of my life, and I can't wait to teach my child[ren] how rewarding it is.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	5	4
poop	0	1

cute moment

When we were out to lunch today, Rachel was standing in Jarrad's lap, getting sleepy. To entertain her while we talked, I danced her kitty cat hat back and forth and up and down. She thought that was quite hilarious. She cackled and giggled and grinned.

non-toy toy of the day

Rachel's non-toy today is her tooth bud (its portable nature allowed her to play with it even when we were on-the-go). She is teething in a big way right now. This afternoon, she continually had her tongue down on her bottom gums, playing with that new bump in her mouth. She did the same thing for almost a whole week in January, but no tooth ever showed. Will there be one there tomorrow?

life lesson

People often ask me how I like being a stay-at-home mom. I was talking with my own mom on the phone tonight, and I realized why I so love staying home with Rachel. It is amazing to see her develop (and so fast!). I love to watch her discover new things and figure out how to use her little hands and feet. Her brain tells her eyes and her mouth and her toes how they should all work together. She intuitively and instictively understands cause and effect, and she even understands "no," and wants to do it anyway. She was no accident, not merely the result of a fertilized egg magically growing into a functional embryo, then a proportionate fetus, and finally, a fully-developed baby. Rachel is a little being, created by God, in the image of God, put on this earth for a purpose: to worship God. I look forward to watching how God shapes her and molds her, and I can only imagine the impact it will continue to have on my own development. And that's why I so love staying home with Rachel.

sleep, please sleep

We may have had a potty break-through today! Although her count is a little low (I think due to her lack of sleep last night), this afternoon, she got kind of still and stopped playing, looked at the potty, vocalized and waved. Potty? You need to sit on the potty? (I use the sign for potty too.) So, I removed her dry diaper, sat her on the potty, and she immediately peepeed...a LOT. A coincidence? I hope not!

We've been having sleep issues at our house. Not Jarrad, of course; that man will sleep through a hurricane (he really has before). Rachel is having a tough time figuring out she can't be standing up and fall asleep at the same time. at 11:14pm last night, she stirred around, and she woke up enough to sit herself up, which led straight to pulling up and looking around her room. Now what? She's sleepy and can't fall asleep! So she fusses, and I lay her back down. Up she goes. Down I lay her. Up she goes. She finally falls asleep folded in half, but that won't last long. We start all over again, until she finally falls asleep sort of on her side with her legs halfway folded underneath her. Whew! Unfortunately, she also regularly stirs around at 5 or 5:30am. In the past, she has easily fallen back to sleep until 7ish. Not now...now she stands, she sits, she stands, and there is NO more sleeping for her (or for me). That does mean she is exhausted by her 9am naptime, and she easily rocks to sleep (avoiding the standup-sitdown routine) and sleeps at least 1.5 hours. We made a Target run with some friends today, and took a nice stroll around the neighborhood late this afternoon. It was early to bed tonight.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	6	5
poop	0	4

cute moment

Rachel always gets hyper right before bed. Tonight, she insisted on playing with her new diaper I had out. She would start to put it in her mouth, and I'd grab and gently shake and say, "Hey, cut that out, cut that out." She absolutely cackled. We enjoyed this game for no less than 15 minutes.

non-toy toy of the day

Rachel loves to handle one baby wipe. It's best while she's on the potty because it occupies her so well. She looks at it with furrowed brow, pulls it out of one hand with the other, shreds it to bits, and ultimately holds tightly to the last big piece for awhile as she plays with other things. I like to give her one when I think she needs to wash her hands.

today's life lesson

Rachel's #1 desire at the moment is the stand up. She'll try to pull up on anything and everything, and if she falls, she tries again. But it's interfering with her sleep, as previously mentioned. The sleep books say, "She's stranded herself standing and doesn't know how to get down." But that's not true; Rachel does know how to get down. I think she doesn't know she needs to. Her #1 desire is to stand, but her #1 need is to sleep. She doesn't understand that she can't do both, and, consequently, her #1 desire is obstructing her #1 need. How often is that true for me? My #1 desire is to be right all the time, but my #1 need is to be close to God. But I can't do both, can I? I can't hold on to my pride and have a good relationship with my God at the same time. And, as usual, my #1 desire (the fleshly) stands in the way of my #1 need (the spiritual). They can't coexist. Furthermore, how often do I think I want something so badly, and I keep saying, "please, please." God will quietly correct me over and over, but I'll keep standing back up, saying, "but I don't understand why not!" But He knows, just like I know Rachel needs to lie down. And, even though I don't understand what God is doing or teaching me, and even though Rachel doesn't understand what I'm doing or trying to teach her, eventually the lesson will be learned and we can move past this hurdle and on to the next one.