I have a ridiculous amount of work to do to catch up on this blogging thing. My computer crashed about three weeks ago, and my hubby keeps his tied up most of the time, so I have been pretty well media-free ever since (did I ever mention that we chucked our TV a couple of months ago?). It's been a little strange, but I haven't missed any of it like I thought I would. What a relief, right? But I do miss keeping up with my blog, especially since the Lord has been teaching me so much lately.
I am learning all about what it means to be a Godly woman. I have finally found the true freedom that exists when I am obedient to what the Lord calls me to as a wife and mother. It is so amazing and humbling, and it makes me wonder what in the world was hindering me from understanding it before now. But since I can't change the past, I am anxious to get on with the future and see what other surprises await! I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, and this time is sweeter and much deeper than the first. I praise God that my husband is the Christ-follower that he is. I also praise God for daily reminders that it is He who sustains me, not my husband, and it is He who will never fail me. I realize that I was holding entirely unrealistic expectations for my husband and depending on him to provide for me and fill my heart, when God was just waiting for me to turn to Him instead. And so, over these 7 years of marriage, and especially since the arrival of our firstborn, I have felt disappointed over and over, oppressed, and angry. I knew that it was illogical and ridiculous, but I just couldn't seem to put all the pieces together. I am realizing now that it is wrong for me to ever be disappointed by another person on the level that it affects my heart. When that happens, it exposes where I have been placing my trust--in that person rather than in God.
Now, daily, I lay it down at the feet of Jesus. And when my husband fails me (because he does, God bless him), I remember that it is the LORD who will provide what I need. If I can cling to that, I will never be angry or resentful toward him, and he will never feel the need to be defensive with me. Praise God for His model that he laid out for us in the Word! It's so counter-intuitive that I should make little of myself and much of my husband in order that God will be glorified and I will have true freedom, but I am discovering how true it is, and how SWEET it is!
And so I publicly beg the forgiveness of my humble, patient, God-fearing husband, who put up with me when I was so ugly and sinful and unrealistic. He chose to love me through it, as he committed to do on our wedding day almost 7 years ago. I am amazed at the sweet season my heart change has thrown us into, and I look forward to being that old couple who still can't get enough of each other...it was hard to imagine before, but now I know it will be.
5 comments:
Thanks Anna...
we need to talk...been very worried I need a serious attitude adjustment...I'm WAY too familiar with unrealistic expectations and the ensuing resentment. ICK.
Can I come see you one day while the babies are napping?
I love you, friend...thanks for being real
It is so hard to strip away what feminism has done to women. We are told we are lesser creatures and it makes us forget that we are made in the image of God. We are not the same as men but we are no less valuable to Christ. We just have different roles.
I know that Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing a whole counter-culteral movement with her "True Woman" movement. They had their first conference last Oct and it was streamed live. She has a website too www.truewoman.com.
I think more women need to band together to become the women that Christ intended rather than what society says we should be. So many women have left families to pursue a career. I think our families are really in trouble. We see children turning against parents and high divorce rates because we have left the tradition family.
Ooops! You hit a sensitive spot. I will stop before I write a book.
Yes, thank you for showing me this perspective...I needed this message TODAY.
You are truly a blessing!
What sweet dissertations. I enjoyed the heartfelt expressions of your experience and you can rest assured that I felt the quickening of the Holy Spirit in my heart as you had shared this verbally earlier and again, as I am reading this. This has blessed me beyond measure.
Thank you Anna for sharing this with me in person, and again through your blog. You have definitely caused me to look at myself as a wife in an entirely new way. God bless you and praise Him for all that He is doing in your life. I'm so glad for you that He is teaching and changing you and bringing you freedom as His word promises. It is so exciting when God renews our passion for Him and His word and opens our heart to teaching from His Spirit. I'm ready for my turn. :)
Jessica
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