a baby story

I wasn't prepared for this.

But then, who is? Bringing home a newborn for the second time sounded easy enough. After all, I know what to expect this time. I know not to panic when she goes through the various strange but short-lived stages of changing sleep cycles and feeding habits. I didn't plan to be so worried.

But I am. It is unbelievable how I can worry so. I was not anticipating the wave of emotions that would accompany this new little one: fear that I can't take care of her adequately, guilt that her big sister suddenly cannot have all my attention, and dread at the thought of figuring out how to care for all three of us once things are supposed to be back to 'normal.' How do people do this?

But they do. And I will. I just want so much to do it well.

Carly Britt came on November 4, 2008--an historic election day in our country. My labor was almost identical to my labor with my firstborn, Rachel. As with Rachel, contractions stirred me from my slumber around 2:45am. I timed them, and, although they were mild, they were frequent. The first time around, I woke Jarrad almost immediately, and he jumped out of bed and started dancing around, excited to meet our little girl. This time, I got up and scurried around putting the finishing touches on each element of planning for the day. I did wake Jarrad, who grunted and grinned, called his dad (who lives 3 hours away), rolled over and went back to sleep. My contractions continued with regularity, but did not get much stronger. With Rachel, I remember these same contractions feeling painful, but this time, having already experienced what was to come, I knew to go about my business. By 4:30am with Rachel, we had called the doc and convinced her we needed to be admitted for labor and delivery, but that left us with a very long day of very slow progress. This time, I went back to sleep at 4:30am for almost an hour, and was discouraged to wake up and find that the contractions had almost disappeared. I was determined not to rest again until this baby came. Not wishing to spend that frustrating day walking around a birthing facility, but convinced things would move along much quicker this time, Jarrad and I finalized arrangements for Rachel and made our way to the mall.

We walked. We walked and we walked. We had lunch and we walked. We rested on a bench, had a milkshake, and walked. Almost four hours ticked away. My contractions were getting vaguely stronger, but not regular. We were exhausted, and I was beginning to feel defeated. So we returned home around 4:30pm to get some rest.

Aunt KiKi came around 6:00pm to pick up Rachel for a sleepover. By the time she got to our house, my contractions had suddenly become frequent and debilitating. It was time--finally.

We rushed to the birth center, where a midwife and nurse were waiting. They had already filled the tub, as I desired a water birth. Things progressed so quickly--we arrived at 6:30pm, and Carly was born at 8:30pm. Almost identically, the end went very quickly with Rachel, too. With Rachel, though, the doctor had not yet arrived at the hospital when I was suddenly ready to push. Rachel was born at 8:43pm, and I had an episiotomy and third degree tears, resulting in a lot of stitches and a two-week recovery. At the birth center, the midwife talked me through the pushing stage. She told me that I would be much more likely to tear again because the scar tissue is just not as strong as the original tissue, and that I should focus on letting the contractions do the work. She talked me through each contraction, and I was able to exercise enough control that I didn't need even the first stitch this time.

So, Rachel was born at 8:43pm, and Carly at 8:30pm. Although Rachel was born on her due date, and Carly was 7 days late, my two girls weighed the same: 7lb 12oz. Bizarre. The difference? Rachel was born with the tiniest bit of fuzzy red hair, but our Carly's fuzz is quite a bit darker. Rachel has looked like her father and her PopPop from the beginning, but tiny Carly already favors me and my family. These two girls will probably scarcely look related. My thought is that this is a good thing--maybe they will be less likely to be compared to one another if they look so different. I already know that my love is not split equally between the two, but is, rather, quite impossibly doubled.

These two long days of labor that I experienced with my girls has done one more amazing thing: made me love my husband even more. He is the most wonderful man, who knew all the right things to say and do with each passing moment and each intense contraction. Both times, I remember being completely focused on the hard work of labor and on him. He was the only one I could hear--he even had to repeat everything the midwife said as she talked me through to the end. I was unaware of the others in the room (there were several this time around), and I wanted his touch and his voice only. I am still in awe at how close we feel after working together to bring our babies into this world. He still looks at me like I have accomplished the impossible, and I imagine him to be the strongest, most perfect man alive. I am so grateful.

This process of labor is so moving to me. It is perfectly laid out in such a way that my body instinctively knew what to do. Our Creator created a miracle in this, and I am so blessed to have experienced it twice.

Here is a sampling from Carly's first pictures. It's hard to believe that she was barely 12 hours old when we took her home. BubbleShare: Share photos - Find great Clip Art Images.

halloween sans baby

First of all, the cute little Baby Ticker at the top of my page now just serves as a reminder that I am PAST DUE. But I'm trying to remind myself that we have a little time to take it easy before she arrives, and to be grateful for every second of peace and quiet I have for now. It's going to get crazy any day now! I am terribly uncomfortable, and I am really anxious to meet our little girl and give her a name, but other than that, I really cannot complain. I have been blessed with two uneventful pregnancies, and I am so thankful for that!

One of the bonuses of Baby Sister still being in her cushy little home is that I got to go to the mall for Trick-or-Treating with Daddy and Rachel. It was going to be a special Daddy-Daughter night, and I was planning to be home with Baby, but we got to go as a family instead! It is unfortunate that Baby has two very cute Halloween bodysuits that she won't get to wear, though. At the suggestion of a friend, I dressed her up anyway. We got lots of points and chuckles. Rachel was Little Red Riding Hood, and her best friend Wolfie was her Big Bad Wolf. I checked out a really simple (and not-scary) version of Little Red Riding Hood at the library this week, and we've been reading it every day. Rachel was very excited to get dressed up, and even agreed to TWO ponytails like Red Riding Hood has in the book. On a side-note, I was very proud of myself for making the basket liner to go in her Easter basket for her costume

I took Rachel to the mall last year and she had such a fun time. I didn't remember it being too terribly crowded, but I remembered terribly WRONG. It was a mad-house! We will not be doing that again. I guess I failed to consider that 16-month-old Rachel stayed content sitting in front of the candy store sorting a big bucket of gum, and then helping hand out candy the whole night. We never even ventured into the big part of the mall last year. It was almost unnerving how crowded it was this time. I was very thankful to have Jarrad there!

On the pregnancy side of things, I will be going back to see the midwife on Monday. They will give me some sort of stress test to be sure it's safe to continue. I think 42 weeks is the max they will let me go, and then they will try one drug-free option to get things started before ultimately sending me to the hospital to be induced with Pitocin. I will be really out-done if I end up in the hospital to have this little girl. I have been looking forward to trying a water birth and being in a home setting, letting my mother-in-law catch the baby, and just generally being supported in a different kind of way. I am trusting God that she will come how she comes, though, and I'm trying not to get stressed out about it...anxiety can't possibly help move things along.

spring cleaning

Well, it's not spring, but I've got this nesting thing down to a science, thanks to the help of so many people. PopPop and Uma came this week and helped get our spare room in order (the room that's always been full of junk and has never been used as a functional space). It's like having an addition put on our house! I have my sewing machine set up in there, two brand new bookshelves (compliments of PopPop and Uma) and the guest bed, and there's room left for Rachel to play too! I am really excited, and relieved to have a place for the moms to stay after Baby Sister arrives. My daddy (Poppy) came today and aerated and over-seeded our yard using the riding lawn mower we borrowed from our neighbor, Mr. Henry. My dear husband has been working on remodeling the girls' upstairs bathroom, AND we got new carpet upstairs. My friend who owns the maid business where I was office manager several years ago sent a team of maids over to clean recently, which motivated Jarrad and me to go through a lot of JUNK that had been cluttering up our various extra areas, so the house feels all ready! Another friend kept Rachel Monday morning while I ran some errands, including getting my car cleaned and Rachel's seat moved over to make room for the second carseat that will need to squeeze back there. I love fall and have always associated it with going back to campus, to be near my love, Jarrad. We met and fell in love in the fall, and that's such a sweet memory. I am excited to share this time with a new memory of having our second little girl, choosing her name, and settling down to life with her. Next fall will be full of all of the familiar nostalgia with the added excitement of this little girl's first birthday. I can't wait to meet her!

Now...where's this baby??

redeemed

Rachel keeps me laughing most days, but I usually have a hard time explaining what she's done to crack me up so much. Her antics are hard to put into words, I guess. But this afternoon, after happily accepting me in her father's stead, I managed to confuse the poor girl, leaving me in stitches:

• Mommy (finding a matchbox car): Here, Rachel--you can play with this.
• Rachel: Where's this from? Where's this from, Mommy?
• Mommy: I think maybe that was Daddy's from when he was a boy.
• Rachel (looking at the car, then at Mommy): He's a girl now?

HA! It still makes me laugh...

moody

Maybe it's the hormones from being soooo pregnant, but I'm feeling a little hurt today. This morning, Jarrad went early to church to help set things up, so I went in Rachel's room when she woke up. Although Jarrad has been the first to her bedside more often lately, it is still I who usually greets her in the morning. Today, she woke up happy, and was talking and singing, and I went in with a big smile and happy, "Good morning, Sweet Girl!" Rachel burst into tears. "I WANT DAAAADDY!" It took some consolation and promises that we'd see him at church before she was content with just raggedy ole Mommy.

Right now, she's been in her room for naptime for a little less than two hours. She's been yelling "DAAAAAADDY" for almost 45 minutes, taking breaks here and there to sing or talk to her friends, and occasionally specifying, "not Mommy--DAAAAAADDY."

sheesh.

rachel goes to the museum

We are very blessed to live so close to most of our families. Rachel is surrounded by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins, and she just loves them all so much. It is also most helpful to have them all around. Their visits are a great distraction for me and for Rachel, and they willingly babysit regularly.

Last Saturday, Aunt Julie took Rachel to the museum for a fun morning of bonding. They saw butterflies and pigs, chickens, and bears. Rachel was most impressed with the train ride, though, and the plush butterfly and personalized "Rachel" mug she brought home. She's been dragging her butterfly, cup, and Wolfie (another new addition to her friends) around all week and refusing to sleep without them.

Thank you, Aunt Julie, for the free morning for Mommy.

Saturday night, Aunt Mamber babysat so Jarrad and I could attend an appreciation dinner for a friend. We called it a "date" and had a great time, and Rachel appreciated her special time with Aunt Mamber. Rachel also got a fun visit from her cousin, Tyler, this week. Rachel tried her best to boss him around, but he just kept looking at me and saying, "What's she doing?" He was really funny to pick up toys and hold them really close instead of playing with them, and he'd come running to me saying Rachel was going to take the toy, even when she was on the other side of the room. Once, he was holding a toy tightly and running around in a circle around our kitchen island. Rachel was watching, and she asked me, "Where's he going?" I said, "I don't know, Rachel." So she started following, which prompted him to immediately say, "Ahh! She's chasing me!" I couldn't stop laughing all morning.

We just love our family.

a new day, a new post...finally

Rachel is full of ideas and opinions these days, and, almost always, I can curb her little desires by pointing out potential conflicts or consequences. Lucky for me, she accepts reasoning pretty well, and does not usually insist on the impossible (or inconvenient). For example, today, I told her we could go to the park for a few minutes and play on the playground, but when we got there, it had started to rain. Although it wasn't raining hard, and although she was disappointed and tried to negotiate with me, she ultimately returned to the car without a fight.

A common reason she can't do this or that during the day is that she's too little ("I wanna drive, Mommy." "You want to drive? But you're too short!"), and she's okay with that. Sometimes it's that she's too big ("Don't sit in the bouncy seat, Rachel; that's for babies"), and she does not argue.

Tonight, the silly little thing found a tiny newborn diaper in one of her drawers (she has a couple she uses when she plays with her dolls). She said she wanted to "put it on..."

• Rachel: Wanna wear it, Mommy.
• Mommy: Rachel, you don't even wear diapers anymore. You're too big! You are a big girl who wears undies!
• Rachel (as she tugs the diaper between her legs): Wanna try, Mommy.
• Mommy: No, honey, you are too big for that.
• Rachel goes over to her light switch, attempts to flip the switch to turn off the light, grunting dramatically.
• Rachel: Can't reach it, Mommy. I'm not big yet. I'm little.

Touche, Little Girl. Touche.