the back and forth

The girls and I just got home from spending the week at my parents' house. Carly had a little fever for part of the week, which made it okay to just kind of sit back and do nothing. It was nice. MiMi and Poppy entertained the girls and provided our meals, and I got to take a few naps and even eat out a few times with the family.

This week also served as good affirmation for me. Both of my parents are elementary school educators, and they, consequently have a lot of experience with children, so getting their [albeit prejudiced] opinion on mine is interesting. Rachel, in my [somewhat experienced and definitely prejudiced] opinion, is particularly intense. I mean, I know all 3-year-olds are intense. They are in a stage where they want so badly to be independent, but, well, they're just too short most of the time. They have this conflict within them that they don't need us quite as much as they WANT us, and the wanting sends them spiraling back to babyhood in a matter of seconds.

Rachel is no different. But when it seems like some kids take a break every now and then, Rachel stays busy. She never stops. She never quits. She never relents. She never HUSHES. The child talks just to fill what could possibly be silence, which she seems to loathe. Here's an example:

• In the car, passing a pasture with cows.
• Rachel: I see cows and goats, Mommy. Do you see cows and goats, Mommy?
• Mommy: I see cows, but I don't see goats.
• Rachel: ...they're in the barn, Mommy?
• Mommy: Well, no--they aren't in the barn.
• Rachel: They're in the yard?
• Mommy: Yes, they are in the yard.
• Rachel: The yard IS the barn?
• Mommy: No, honey, they are not the same.
• ~3 minutes later, passing a vendor of storage buildings, where there are barn-like structures on display
• Rachel: I see barns, Mommy!! Do you see the barns?
• Mommy: Yes, I DO see those barns!
• Rachel: Cows go in those barns?
• Mommy: Well, not those barns. Those aren't really barns; they are storage buildings that look like barns.
• Rachel: People go in those barns?
• Mommy: Yes, people can go in those barns.
• Rachel: So they won't bite?
• Mommy (half listening): What? So they won't bite?
• Rachel: Yeah...
• Mommy: Well, people don't usually bite...
• Rachel: I bite sometimes.
• Mommy: You do? When do you bite?
• Rachel: When I'm hungry.
• Mommy: Oh, well, sure, you bite food?
• Rachel: Sometimes. Sometimes I bite people. When I bite people, it means that I'm hungry.
• Mommy: No, if you bite people it means that you're not very nice.

PHEW! If I could recall half the conversations we have, I would be able to recount why some days I feel so CRAZY. I try to remind myself that she is trying to learn about the world and about life, and learning is good, right? I want to encourage her to learn, right? I think I do...some days I do. My parents got a good taste of a week with Rachel, and they concurred--she's intense and exhausting!

What's even more interesting, to me, is that she doesn't seem to be that way when she is out of her comfort zone (i.e. away from home and/or family). At church, they tell us she kind of quietly observes the rest of the kids interacting. She does what?? Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

While my Rachel wears me out, I do SO love her spunky little personality. She always has an idea, and she always wants me in on it. She thrives when I praise her dramatically for little successes during the day, and she is learning to respond well to stern intervention when she is being disrespectful or unruly. She is a good girl, and a great helper. She challenges me daily, which is great for keeping me attentive and on my toes. If I can stay one step ahead of her, I am confident that all these things will be an asset to her in the future. I cannot WAIT to see what the Lord has in store for my firstborn.

eat mor chikin

I had to post these pictures of my cuties...don't they look like they love each other so very much? Today was Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-A. I'm pretty proud of the costumes I whipped out with just a couple of hours to work with (while keeping the newly-mobile Carly at bay). Rachel's outfit is an adult t-shirt. I cut off the sleeves, cinched up the shoulders a bit (so it she didn't have to keep tugging on them to keep it on), added the spots, and put elastic around the bottom. Carly's was an old onesie, and I found her oh-so-perfect hat at a thrift store yesterday. I had to remove a little red flower from the front, and, of course, add the ears...

she won't forget this one, part deux

We had Rachel's family birthday party on Sunday, and it was soooo fun to have everyone around to celebrate! Our girls have so many people who love them so much, and we feel so blessed to have them all so close by. Rachel got [too many] gifts, and she was thrilled to be the center of attention. I would like to point out that I made her cake (thank-you-very-much), since her only request was that it be purple (she's a little fixated on the color purple right now). I used my mom's chocolate pound cake recipe (yum) and made real buttercream icing with purple tint. I don't think it was really the most beautiful cake (it ain't my thing), but Rachel LOVED it, and it was super-yummy. The yummyness, well...I just think that's all a cake needs.

from ramblings to rumblings

God has been stirring my heart lately with thoughts that have blown away a lot of the pettiness of which I am oft guilty. When I consider these things He's taught me, I look back in shame at the condition of my heart towards some people in my past. I have spent time lamenting, and have even sought forgiveness from one friend. Wanna hear it?...here it goes...

I have no right to feel wronged when people sin. I have the ability to wrong others, but they have no ability to wrong me.

Whaaa?

God makes the rules of how I am to treat others. He does not allow for me to have expectations on others about how they should treat me, however. Therefore, when another person behaves in such a way that is a)sinful and that it b)inconveniences me or causes me discomfort in some way, I am required to disregard my own comfort/convenience and choose to trust that the Lord will supply my needs (physical, emotional, or otherwise), and I am required to concern myself only with the reconciliation of the other person to God the Father by first praying for that person, and then by allowing myself to be used by the Holy Spirit as He sees fit to draw that person to Himself through my actions or words (or not through me at all).

So, practically, if my sweet husband, Jarrad, were to leave us tomorrow (he wouldn't dare, mind you), I would have no right to feel wronged. Sad, of course, but not sinned against. Only the Rulemaker can be offended when the rules are broken. From my perspective, Jarrad's [hypothetical] sin would be against God alone, not against me. And so, I would be required to continue to love him the way the Lord has called me to love all people and in light of the covenant I made with God to love Jarrad as my husband until death separates us (presumably without regard to whether he chooses to fulfill the covenant he made with God to love me as his wife), and to concern myself only with his reconciliation to the Father, which should also [conveniently] result in his reconciliation with me.

But the Bible does speak of people sinning against people, not just against God. But isn't that a call to me? In other words, from this reasoning, I can sin against others, but they cannot sin against me; I am required to reconcile the wrongs I have committed to others, but I must not require reconciliation from others for the wrongs they have committed (lest I make myself equal with God) in order to love them in obedience to God's command.

Phew! Okay, I've been sitting on this for a few weeks. I'm not wholly convinced that my reasoning is sound. I do know that the Bible says we should forgive others--and what is forgiveness if there is no sin? But I think it is somewhat semantics, and it has really, truly helped me to think in these terms: that I cannot ever consider myself sinned against, because I am not Holy enough to be sinned against. With this thinking, I have been able to offer a LOT more grace to others (specifically my husband, who is a wonderful-while-fallible man), because it forces me to disregard ME. What freedom!!

she won't forget this one

Rachel turned three today. Three years old. Woah. I have a real-life little girl. My firstborn is not a baby. Three years ago, she was two hours old, and we had NO idea how much our lives would change, or how much we would wish we had done this sooner. What a fun adventure we have started!

Today, I let Rachel have her choice for all three meals. She chose...PB&J sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She is definitely her daddy's girl, because he often chooses the same. Here she is blowing out her candles for the day! Her family party will be on Sunday, so there will be real birthday pictures then. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACHEL!

it's today

Today is our seventh anniversary. Seven years ago, we had no idea what we were getting into. We knew each other so well, but we did not anticipate how much we would change over the years. We have fallen in and out of love several times over, but we have remained committed and we continually choose to love one another.

Last week, a friend/mentor of Jarrad's came to town for a conference. He stopped by for a visit, and we related to him the journey the Lord has been guiding us through over the past few months. He is on staff with FamilyLife, and is a champion of life-long marriages full of God's joy. He decided to use our story in his June newsletter. Reading it from another's perspective had kind of a sting about it, but reflecting again on the experience only serves as a reminder of the grace that has been given to us by the Almighty God. Praise Him!

Here is his story:

Idols of the Heart

by John

Last week I traveled [out of town] conference. While there I visited with Jarrad and Anna. I met Jarrad in 2000 while on a mission project in Santa Cruz, California. He was a college student that blew a bunch of my paradigms: he was a skater, loved to work out, was an extremely nice person, and loved Jesus. I didn’t have a category for those things combined in one person.

He and Anna married shortly after that summer and seemed to be off to a great start. Fast forward to November 2008 and the birth of their second child. Jarrad was giving leadership to the youth ministry at their church, along with a few other responsibilities. He was out 3 to 5 nights a week. Anna was growing jealous and bitter, “Why do I have to stay home with the kids while you do ministry?” Ironically, she had been urging him for years to get more involved in the church and lead their family spiritually. Now she didn’t know what to do with this polarity of emotions and Jarrad was growing frustrated with the mixed signals. She did not respect him, and he could feel it. All he felt was shame every time he walked in the door. And she even admits that she knew he “was a good man.” Yet her mind could not force her heart to give her husband respect. The home was growing cold, ice cold.

And then Anna started to pray. For the first time in her life she really started to pray for things in her life, including her husband. She asked him to consider giving up just one thing at church. He prayed about it, then prayed some more, and did not feel it was time to drop anything. She received his answer and prayed, then prayed some more. Her first response was frustration, but then acceptance. She realized that if God was leading her husband, and if he was walking by the Spirit (which he was), she needed to trust God’s direction in their life. The resentment began to subside.

But the big breakthrough came when she remembered the importance of her marriage vows in relation to Ephesians 5.33 “… let the wife see that she respects her husband.” She says “I wish, I wish somebody would have told me more about this, or I would have listened better when we were engaged.” Her vow made on the altar was not to Jarrad, but to God. Her responsibility was to respect her husband unconditionally, regardless of Jarrad’s response.

Her face lit up retelling this epiphany, “I feel like I have a testimony now, something that I can’t wait to share with other women and tell them how Jesus wants to direct their marriage and free them of all anger, bitterness and jealousy.”

One of the conference speakers last weekend said, “We are all hard-wired to worship. You will worship something. If it is not God, it will be something else, and that will be your idol.” Anna changed from worshiping the idols of security and comfort to worshiping God. She no longer saw her husband as her main provider, but God as her provider through her husband and others.

Now, this brief article is not intended to vilify Anna for her misplaced worship. It is meant to rejoice in the amazing restoration God did in a young marriage! It is also meant to provide an opportunity to reflect on our own misplaced worship. The problem is, we all have blind spots, and our idols are often hiding there.

During his talk last week (which I highly recommend), Mark Driscoll gave the following tips for unveiling your

• Start by recognizing that idols tend to be good
• Look for the things you treasure most (Matt 6.21).
• What is that person/experience that you are most fearful of losing?
• If your house was on fire and you were running out, what would you take with you?
• You can also examine the things for which you make sacrifices.
• Where does your time and money go?

Not everything that you hold as important is an idol, but there is a chance it may be. If your identity and significance is so wrapped up in a person or item that you can not imagine being satisfied and joyful without it, then it probably is an idol.

What do you do when an idol is discovered? Repent. Ask God to forgive you for breaking the first commandment and for the strength to turn your heart back to him. Pray that your deepest desire would be to know and love Jesus and to cherish him above all else.

crawling to a crawl

I've decided that I really love having two much more than just having one. They entertain each other, and it's music to my ears when Rachel asks, "When's Carly gonna wake up?" as her sister is napping. For now, it seems almost easier to have two. But my world is rapidly changing. Check out what Carly figured out a few days ago--and know that she is becoming more and more proficient every day. EEK! (Note: this is MY first movie attempt. Jarrad is usually the movie-maker, but I thought I'd give it a whirl...)