Jarrad has been leading the youth group at our church for almost a year. Last summer, I was a bitter, pregnant woman who did not see the joy in his service, because it meant so much time away from us, and away from what I perceived to be his "duties" in our home and our family. One of the families who has two children in the youth group lives closeby, and their 14-year-old son came over multiple times over the summer last year to "bless" us by mowing the grass and tending to a few other outside chores. Every time he came, I cringed. "Here he comes to do Jarrad's job again, because Jarrad doesn't care enough about us to do it himself," I [erroneously] thought.
Today, that same teenager and three other boys from the youth group came over. They mowed, trimmed, sprayed, and spread pinestraw. They hung out. They drank my sweet tea and served as my girls' afternoon entertainment, and they walked away with some snacks and two pictures from Rachel (she "wrote" their names!).
Today, I was blessed. My husband spends his time blessing others in the way the Lord has called him, and I now see all the ways the Lord was waiting to bless me by providing our needs through others. Don't get me wrong--I had faith, before, that the Lord would provide. But, somehow I missed that He chooses to provide in many many ways. I had grown to believe the lie that the Lord would provide only through my husband. And so, my sin was keeping me from receiving the blessings He was offering to me through others.
How sweet it is that my husband is willing to be used by God to bless others. How sweet it is that his service gives others the opportunity to be a blessing. How sweet it is that the Lord is teaching me to receive those blessings with thanksgiving and praise.
For about a week, the phrase, "the Lord is my portion," kept coming to my mind. I knew it was from God because I wasn't even completely sure what it meant. I finally Googled it, just to see what came up, and I got a beautiful explanation that [of course] fit with this process I've been going through. The Lord IS my portion. He IS what I need, and I have my portion in HIM. When I think of a portion, I think of it as exactly the amount needed. And He IS exactly what I need!
The last two days, I have been meditating on another one of God's names: Jehovah-Jireh, "the Lord will provide." Each time I have been tempted to think that Jarrad is failing us in some way, I remind myself that I serve Jehovah-Jireh, and HE will provide! And He proves it over and over and over again.
7 comments:
good word, sista.
Thank you for your honesty and willingness to be open to help others. I sometimes struggle with those same feelings and let them fester. It's so easy for satan to plan those little doubts in our minds that can cause such damage to our marriages. It took me a while to realize what was happening to me. I am so blessed to have a loving, amazing husband that God has blessed me with!
Those are great thought Anna! I have really been meditating on God's perfect plan for marriage and submission and have come to realize that we do it our way, that is bondage but if we let God do it his way and we find our portion in Him as you said, it is so freeing.
I have relied heavily in the past for my husband to meet my needs and have been sadly disappointed so many times but God has not disappointed me one.
Thanks for being open. I love hearing your thoughts. So encouraging and thought provoking.
Anna...your blog has become uplifting life lessons for me. I appreciate your honesty and openness. I think you are expressing thoughts and frustrations that women struggle with daily and you are teaching us the Godly way of dealing with these feelings. And, of course, the Godly way produces positive, fruitful results - ALWAYS!
Thank you again. I know that you will continue to be blessed because of your patience, strength, and FAITH.
Anna,
Can i just say that this made me bawl. Which was interesting since i am at work, and though i am on my lunch break these cubicles have thin walls. :) Thanks so much for blessing my heart with these thoughts and for allowing God to use you through this blog. I know for me today it has served as a reminder that God will provide, and he will give so much more than we even thought to ask in the first place.
It is such a blessing to others when you share what is going on in your heart & your walk with God! It's amazing how differently we see when the view changes just a bit : )
you're precious! thank you for your willingness to be so open. you're a dear friend and such a blessing to me!
- Ashley D
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