what now

Rachel woke up once during the night last night. I had begun to think her new night waking habit might be potty related. So the last couple nights it's happened, I've put her on the potty after I nurse her (because that calms her down), and, sure enough, she goes. But last night, she refused to sit on the potty (which made me feel rotten for even trying), and her diaper was still dry at 7:20am. So, I don't know what's going on. She definitely shouldn't be waking up hungry, so I'm afraid she's formed a bad habit. Will it happen tonight? Will I let her "cry it out?" Only time will tell...

Rachel is really enjoying this new walking thing. She can't stand herself up from sitting on the floor yet, and she can't turn from holding onto furniture, so we can only get steps out of her if we set her standing and let go. She always grins the hugest grin and lets out a sort of war cry before attempting movement. She really seems proud of herself.

Now, on to business: I'm calling for help from other mommies out there. Now that I've decided what I shouldn't do with Rachel (be on top of her all day), I'm trying to figure out the logistics of what I should do with her. What I had been doing most of the day is hang out with her in her bedroom, sometimes playing with her, sometimes just watching her play independently (does that count as independently?), and sometimes doing other things (like folding laundry, but still in her room). Regardless, she is certainly used to my presence, and I think I need to help her learn to be comfortable and confident alone. So how do I do that? In pre-mobility days, I left Rachel to play by herself a lot. She'd play on her quilt in the living room and I'd work in the kitchen or doing laundry, or whatever. But as soon as she became super-mobile (at about 7 months old), I resigned myself to chasing her all day. And that's where I've remained the past two months.

So what do I do? What do other mommies out there do? It seems the playpen is the safest option. I do use it some already, like last week when I had to prepare a meal in the afternoon to take to a family, I put Rachel in the playpen and said, "You might not like it, and you might cry and be mad, but I have to do this because I said I would." She does fuss and cry when I put her in there, although she seems to enjoy it more in the mornings. She'll eventually sit down and play, but only for a couple minutes before she's standing back up, arms straight up in the air, crying. Yesterday and today, I made a point to put her in there and set myself to doing some chore, vowing not to pick her back up until I finished. It was hard, but I suppose she'll get used to it eventually? I felt guilty; I felt like I was ignoring her.

Here's the picture of Rachel in her Easter outfit, as promised! Blue is so so pretty with her blue eyes; I can't wait until she has enough hair for a bow so I can dress her in more blue (without people asking, "what's his name?").

Progress Report

Rachel's diaper was dry first thing this morning, and she used 3 diapers today.

cute moment

Here is Rachel playing with a toy bunny from Aunt KiKi's Easter basket.

non-toy toy of the day

Today, Rachel played with her shoes (the ones that are still a little too big, so she hasn't worn them much). She kept trying to put a shoe on her foot. She'd get frustrated and throw the shoe and holler. Then she'd hand it to me, as if to ask for help. I put the shoe on her foot (loosely) and she'd grin and shake it off and start all over again.

light as a feather, stiff as a board

Hello faithful blog readers! You probably noticed my blog vacation. Rachel, Jarrad and I had a great time visiting my family Friday and Saturday. Rachel got to hang out with her cousin, Tyler, and they seem to be enjoying each other more and more. But, of course, the grandparents enjoyed the silliness most of all. Poppy got out some of his fun hats, masks, and wigs to entertain the kiddos. On Friday, Rachel decided that her preferred entertainment was walking, holding onto someone's fingers for balance. So, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, that's all the child wanted to do. When we tried to take a break, she'd holler for more. When we tried to sit her down, she gave us the stiff-leg. When she got her way, she was talking, giggling, and grinning the whole time. Aunt KiKi pointed out that Rachel walks belly-first. That's because we can't keep up with her! It's a pretty funny sight. And the funniest thing is that she's not actually going anywhere. She's just walking.

So, this morning, when I got her out of the crib and tried to sit her down, she gave me the stiff-leg, as usual. But, she felt really stable, so I let go. She stood there, giggling, for a long time before she gently sat down. We practiced all day, and she took a step here and there. She finally took two steps in a row before falling forward. When Jarrad got home tonight, she took about five steps in a row! She thinks it's a fun new game. I think it's saving my back. I know what you moms-with-more-than-one-kid are thinking...that I shouldn't encourage her to walk just yet. I know my life is about to get a lot more difficult once she walks, but I can't get over the excitement of watching her develop this new skill!

Rachel had a really great first Easter. Aunt KiKi gave her a princess Easter bucket with cute chicky glasses and some other toys, and two beautiful spring dresses. She also bought her too-cute Easter Sunday outfit (picture coming). Cousin Anthony came over on Sunday and brought two singing and dancing Easter bunnies from MeMaw and GGPaw. Rachel wasn't sure what to think of these. She got adventurous and touched the one that wiggles his ear while he sings, but today she decided he scared her. When I was trying to get her to walk, she kept her eyes locked on that bunny and wouldn't let go of me. Yesterday afternoon, GiGi came over with a fuzzy Easter card and a soft basket with goodies, and, last night, Aunt Mamber came over with her collection of little PoundPuppies for Rachel (remember those??).

On Friday, Rachel and I went with Poppy to see some of his relatives. They all seemed to enjoy Rachel. Saturday, we went to my Aunt Doris's house for my mom's family get-together. We had a great time seeing everyone and visiting. Our friend Koen and his family even got to come, and Bob got to drive Uncle Roy's tractor! We are so blessed to live near so much family!

Rachel was clearly glad to be home today. She took two good naps and did great on the potty. I hope she will sleep well tonight!

Progress Report

I may be ready to give up the potty charts in favor of only reporting how many diapers she used each day. Over the weekend, she used two diapers Friday and Saturday, one diaper Sunday, and no diapers today. She did have one small floor accident right before bed tonight (she stopped as soon as Jarrad yelped at her and swiped her onto the potty), which ruined an otherwise perfect day! She has been very potty-friendly lately, even sitting and playing on the potty for 15 minutes today when she evidently didn't need to go. I kept offering to help her up, but I guess she was having fun. It's refreshing after the few difficult days we had last week. I hope she continues to love it!

cute moment

Rachel's cousin, Tyler, reportedly does not kiss people very often; he prefers to kiss his stuffed animals. However, this weekend, he kissed Rachel several times! I guess they're going to be good pals!

non-toy toy of the day

Her Easter basket, of course!

life lesson

I had a rather emotional weekend, partly due to exhaustion from traveling and not sleeping well. As a result, I have two life lessons. First of all, I have always been an "over-achiever." I am a student at heart, and I am anxious to be the best [insert title here] possible. At the moment, I am obviously consumed with being a mommy. I thrive on the daily challenges and I look forward to the adventures of each new stage Rachel goes through. Because of this, I spend a lot of time with Rachel. Maybe you've thought this in reading my blog, that perhaps I spend an excessive amount of time with Rachel. Does she need me right on top of her all the time? When I was home, I said something to my mom about playing in Rachel's room. She looked at me funny and told me that concerned her a bit. Huh? Why? Am I doing it wrong?? Oh no, am I? She explained that it's a little odd for a 26-year-old to spend most of her day playing in a 9-month-old's bedroom, and that most people have other things they need to be doing. That's true. That's true. I am doing it wrong. I have been telling myself, "I will have only one child only once. I should enjoy her, I should watch her, I should study her." That is what I want to do. But is it healthy? My friend, Carla, and I were talking about self-indulgent parenting and trusting our instincts. Maybe I am being self-indulgent. As of last week, Rachel has become a lot more clingy. She acts afraid of some things (like the dog and the singing bunny), and she doesn't want to let other people hold her. I know it's developmental that she go through this, but how much of it am I fostering by being in her face all day? My mom felt bad that her observation upset me, but I'm glad she mentioned it. At least I can momentarily step outside of myself and try to consider my options and what's really best for Rachel. I imagine I will look back and grieve many parenting decisions I make by the time Rachel is grown. I am glad to have anyone point out anywhere I might be at fault. As I told my mother-in-law once, "Anytime you want to give us advice about Rachel, you go ahead, and we'll either listen or we won't." I just want to be the best mom possible.

Second, last night, Jarrad cautioned me that I need to be careful about how much I talk about Rachel's pottying. Huh? I suppressed potty talk for a long time, because I was unsure if it would work, and I didn't want to get ahead of myself with outrageous claims. But, now that it really seems to be working, I guess I am getting more and more excited about it, and I will talk to anyone who cares to listen, and, apparently, even those who don't. When Jarrad pointed that out to me, I felt horrible. I am afraid I've come across braggy, and I don't mean to. As I told my brother (because if I've been obnoxious to anyone, it would definitely be my brother), potty training Rachel has been my little experiment--something I've found fun and interesting. I don't fancy myself a better mother, or Rachel a smarter baby because of it, and I hope that's not how I've made anyone feel. I try to be honest about my parenting style and not hide when I've discovered a shortcoming. I don't lie and say my cloth diapers don't smell bad and are sometimes tricky to launder. I won't pretend I feel validated every time I choose to let Rachel "cry it out" (or not). And I won't say infant potty training is superior to waiting. For me, it has been a worthy venture, but I know...I'm weird.

from place to place

(PICTURES TO BE ADDED TOMORROW)

Rachel slept terribly last night. I don't have any idea why, but she cried out several times, though she always was back to sleep before I could even check on her. Finally, at 4:30am, she really woke up and was really crying. I went to comfort her and check her diaper, which was dry. She nursed and used the potty, and I put her back in her crib at 5:00am. I went back to bed, too, but it took me a really long time to go back to sleep. Rachel woke up again at 6:00am, and this time, it was for good. She was kinda cranky all day as a result.

During Rachel's morning nap, I drove us to my parents' house, 1.5 hours away. It is the perfect distance for Rachel to get a nap and be in a good mood when we arrive. She was being silly and bashful at first when MiMi and Poppy wanted to hold her, but she warmed up and had a great time exploring her new environment. Jarrad will be joining us tomorrow, along with Uncle Travis, Aunt KiKi, and cousin Tyler. Tia Mildred ('Aunt Mildred' in Spanish) loves these kiddos, so she will be in heaven!

She was quite tired this afternoon, but had trouble settling down for a nap. I finally got her to sleep, after rocking her and singing to her for a while. Sometimes I think I give up on her too quickly, and think she just won't calm down. When I went back in the room for third time, I was determined to rock her to sleep. It took longer than it felt like it should have, but it finally worked.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper	floor
peepee	7	1	1	oops!
poop	1	0

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	1:30
diaper	dry	dry

Can you believe how great she did, even being in a different place?!

cute moment

Poppy has this really annoying stuffed bulldog that wiggles and barks when you pat him on the head. Rachel couldn't decide if she liked him or was afraid of him. She sat very still and watched him closely. Finally, she decided he was a little scary, and she dashed to me and buried her face in my lap.

non-toy toy of the day

I brought some of Rachel's toys to MiMi and Poppy's. They were packed neatly in a blue backpack. I presented the toys to Rachel. She played with the blue backpack.

back on track

Okay, first of all, yes, Rachel is wearing the same outfit as yesterday. I washed it last night and put it right back on her this morning, since it might be the last warm day we have before she grows out of it. I think it's fair that I want her to wear it at least twice before she grows out of it!

Rachel was one good baby today! She did get up a bit early, around 6:10am, but I knew that meant she'd take a good morning nap, so I didn't mind. After her morning nap, we went to see Koen! We had a great time hanging out at his house, and Rachel was in a great mood, finding lots of new things to get into. She got to sit in a big bean bag to eat her lunch, which she thought was really great!

I am ashamed to say that I got four new FuzziBunz diapers today! In my defense, I ordered them a while ago, before I really knew we probably don't need them. Also in my defense, two are really cute girly colors: Bubblegum Pink and Lavendar. All of Rachel's diapers are gender-neutral or even boy colors (because I bought them used from mommies of boys). Still, I can't decide if I want to put them in rotation or try to resell them as new. The pink one is just so especially cute!!

Jarrad came home a little early from work so I could go get a haircut in peace. He and Rachel had a fun time. The best part of leaving Rachel for an hour or two is that she seems so happy to see me when I get back. Tonight, when I put her in her crib for bedtime, she started talking to herself as usual. Although she rarely has any problem going to sleep, she started crying tonight. Since I had missed her too, I went right back in her room and rocked her to sleep. I really enjoyed that, since she doesn't do it often anymore.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	7	2
poop	2	0

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	1:25	0:55
diaper	dry	dry

Rachel was back to her old self on the potty today. Thank goodness!

cute moment

There are three "no-touch" zones in Rachel's room, and she doesn't seem to mind that so far. She is not allowed to touch the outlets, the cord to her lamp, and she's not allowed to crawl behind the rocking chair and get into the cable that's back there. Behind the rocking chair is number one on her "I want to sneak back there and play" list. So, as soon as she thinks I'm not paying attention, straight back there she goes. Of course, I remove her and remind her, "that's a 'no touch.'" What does she do? She grins and refuses to sit down anywhere, which forces me to just hold her hands and let her walk laps around the room. And so she walks, cooing and grinning, with no particular destination, until she gets tired or sees a toy she wants and decides to plop down so she can play. Her laps are getting longer and longer, and she's holding onto my fingers less and less. I don't think it will be long until she is taking some steps!!

non-toy toy of the day

Rachel's container of Cheerios is a great toy. It makes a pleasant rattle sound when Rachel shakes it, and it's the perfect size for her to hold in her hands (and feet).

just say 'no' to two naps

Rachel woke up really early again, and I nursed her and put her right back down. She's not in the habit of nursing to sleep anymore though (she just quit, cold turkey, and rarely does it anymore, which makes me sad), so she's awake when I put her back in the crib. She usually talks to herself for a minute or two, and then rolls over and goes back to sleep. This morning, she woke up for good at 7:40am, and, therefore, refused to take a morning nap. So, by afternoon, she could hardly keep her eyes open, and fell asleep almost before I even laid her down in her crib.

I love love love the outfit Rachel got to wear today. It's another from the first big box we got in the mail from PopPop & Uma in the fall. This one is 3/6 month size, but it was always too big for her. It got cold before she really got to wear it, which made me soooo sad. So, when it started getting warm again, I pulled it out and crossed my fingers, and, sure enough, it's just the right fit now! I think green is her color.

We had lunch today with my friend Shawna, who is on Spring Break (she's a teacher at my school from last year). It's always fun to see her, and Rachel was a show-off, as usual. She sat politely in her Bumbo seat and ate Cheerios (I am loving that she eats Cheerios now). People at the tables around us were entertained by the faces she made and all the talking she did. She seemed to really enjoy herself.

I'm excited that my friends Brian & Megan will be coming in May to meet Rachel for the first time!! They're actually coming for a concert, but it works out that they will get to meet Rachel on the same trip! I feel like Rachel is my hugest life accomplishment so far, so it's always nice for people to notice.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	2	4	decreased peepees...because of the hot weather?
poop	1	1

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	N/A	1:15
diaper	N/A	dry

I've made a new potty rule for myself: After Rachel peepees, I will sit her on the potty in no less than 25 minutes to one hour, depending on the time of day (she goes pretty often in the morning, but not in the afternoon). If she doesn't want to sit, or if she sits and doesn't go, I will immediately replace her diaper and wait no less than 25-30 minutes before trying again. I will stop trying to interpret her various signals I think she gives, because that leads to frustration on my part and hers, as I find myself tossing her on the potty if she even twitches her eyebrow funny (not really, but you get the picture). I will stand by this rule until further notice.

cute moment

non-toy toy of the day

At the restaurant with Shawna, Rachel was getting bored of Cheerios, so I gave her a new toy: an ice cube. She held it in her hand for a while, and then gave it back to me. It rested on my open palm, and she put her face right on it so she could have a taste. She loved it! She held it and licked on it, and I finally let her have it in her mouth when it had almost melted away. In this picture, she's holding it tightly in her left hand.

communication breakdown

I wish I knew what's wrong with her sometimes. Rachel was pretty fussy today. I think it's teeth coming in? I hope that's it, anyway. She was cantankerous (one of my favorite words) on the potty. This afternoon, she suddenly let out a shriek followed by shrill crying. She was pulling at her mouth all day, and biting down on my fingers, toes, whatever. Once, I thought she was about to give me a sweet kiss, and she clamped down so hard on my jaw! Poor baby, she really seemed to be in pain. I gave her a refrigerated teether, and she seemed to appreciate the cold texture on her gums. I also gave her some ibuprofen this afternoon, but I'm not sure it helped. Her weight is right on the border to move to the next dosage, so maybe she needed a little more for it to actually work.

At least it's Monday, and we stayed close to home, as usual. Who knows, maybe she'll get her two top teeth this week. Or, maybe they won't come until two months from now. Either way, I sure hope she's in a better mood tomorrow.

We did have one interesting notable today: I put a gate in the doorway of Rachel's room (it's a hand-me-down from my cousin DeeDee--thanks!!). This accomplishes two things. First, we now have some airflow, which is great since the weather's heating up a bit. Second, it allows Rachel (and me) to see out and not feel so enclosed when we play in her room most of the day. She seemed to love the change, although she is already formulating a plan to climb over. Tonight she tried to stand on one of her containers to hoist her up and closer to the other side.

Progress Report

	potty	diaper
peepee	3	6
poop	1	1

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	1:00	0:40
diaper	dry	dry

I'm tempted to put her down for her naps sans diaper. I might try it soon!

cute moment

Rachel has always loved to have something covering her face. When she was a tiny baby, Jarrad figured out that covering her eyes when she was really sleepy made her go to sleep in no time. As soon as she was able, she consistently fell asleep after scooting and turning her face as close to her bumper as possible. She also pulls my hand close to her eyes when she's sleepy, and she thinks it's funny to put her clothes over her face. Before bed, after I undressed her, I threw her onesie over her head. She dropped to her hands and knees and started giggling and crawling, even though she couldn't see where she was going. Jarrad and I died laughing as she crawled right into the wall. She pulled the shirt off her face and sat there, grinning ear to ear.

non-toy toy of the day

I finally emptied another Kleenex box! This is one of Rachel's favorite non-toy toys. (I know, I know...all my videos of Rachel end the same way...)

weekend bliss

It's so fun to have PopPop and Uma in town! GreatGrandmaw G. taught PopPop how to make all kinds of goodies from apples, and he brought Rachel some special homemade applesauce. She loves it! He also made yummy Apple Butter and Apple Jelly. He made pickles, too! He's so handy.

Yesterday, PopPop, along with Pop, Landin, Kevin, and Uncle Travis, helped Jarrad with a huge project. Our neighbor, Jimmy, owns a tree service, and he graciously brought a few of his employees over to clear our backyard! We are now nearly treeless behind our house. There's still a lot of work to be done (I'm told) before we can have a green grassy yard, but we're one step closer, and I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait for Rachel to have a safe place to play outside. Check out the before and after!

While the guys were doing the loud work, Rachel and I spent the day at Aunt KiKi and Uncle Travis's house. Rachel fell asleep in the car on the way there, and thought that 15 minutes was a sufficient nap for the morning. So she and I played while Tyler slept, and Aunt KiKi attended a bridal shower.

The three of us had lunch and played a while, and then played a little while longer when Aunt KiKi came home. She took Tyler to see his Grandpa, and Rachel took a good afternoon nap in Tyler's crib. She enjoyed seeing Uncle Travis when she woke up, since he is so very silly and will do about anything to get Rachel to grin and giggle

When we got home, Aunt Julie came over with her little dog, Jack. We all spoke in cheery voices, as Rachel watched Jack closely from her stroller. She didn't cry at all, and she even let Jack lick her toes! We had dinner with Aunt Julie and Mr. Landin, and Rachel was very ready for bed.

That leads us to today. She slept until a respectable 6:15am. She was dry for the third morning in a row (that's seven of the last 9 mornings!). She refused to take her usual abbreviated Sunday morning in-the-car-with-Daddy nap, so she was cranky by the time church was over. She took a short nap on the way home, and then took her regular afternoon nap after lunch. PopPop and Uma came by on their way out of town. PopPop fed Rachel some more homemade applesauce! Early to bed for Rachel tonight.

Progress Report (Sunday)

	potty	diaper
peepee	6	5
poop	1	0

	AM nap	PM nap
duration	N/A	1:15
diaper	N/A	dry

I got really frustrated with pottying on Friday (Rachel seemed anxious too), so I decided we would take a potty break Saturday. Since we weren't home most of the day anyway, it was the perfect opportunity to take a little vacation. She did use the potty two or three times when we were home, but I didn't even take it with us to Tyler's house. I felt much more relaxed today, and I keep telling myself not to rush things or overreact to what I think are her cues.

cute moment

When Tyler woke up, I put Rachel in his crib. Tyler was still sleepy, so Rachel took the opportunity to bully him by stealing his paci right out of his mouth. Since he has extras in his crib, he didn't seem to mind. She pulled his paci out, he replaced it with another, she took that one, he replaced it, and so on. They played several rounds of this. Tyler was very polite to humor Rachel.

non-toy toy of the day

PopPop's Gatorade bottle was a fun distraction while we sat outside and chatted Saturday afternoon.